Moving House – From the Eyes of a Dog
An exclusive recollection of the moving events that took place from the viewpoint of Horace, a pug.
Horace and his master, Nigel, recently underwent the process of moving house.
Horace, despite his initial concerns was looking forward to the moving process. Though, his master, Nigel appeared to have lost all motivation, causing Horace to question why they were moving in the first place. We were fortunate enough to be granted an inside look at the on-goings of moving with a dog. Horace replays his accounts of what happened during the move.
It was immediately clear that Horace wasn’t too pleased at Nigel’s disorganisation.
An Interview with Horace, the Pug
“Everything is a mess.” Horace sighs.
“The flat-pack desk lies half-packed, half done. Nigel just stares at it, disappointed. The way he looks at his attempt at poached eggs after too many glasses of wine.”
“I just can’t stand it” Horace laments, swirling his water bowl with an outstretched paw. “He’s had almost a month to sort everything out, he’s been off work- in fact he took a week off to arrange pick-up and delivery plans. Has he done any of it? No. He’s sat in his pants, watched around 20 hours of BT Sport and hurled abuse towards the neighbour’s cat.
What’s more concerning? I don’t even think they have a cat.”
Horace’s struggle is one many have had to endure when moving. The reluctancy, the boredom, the denial and in Nigel’s case, the inevitable regret. Nigel has unfortunately hit this hump prematurely. Horace estimates that he has completed around 32% of the moving-out process and any future progress looks increasingly doubtful.
“It’s like he’s obtained some sort of disease. Possibly stupid lazy man disease? I heard the woman that lived here call him that from time to time. She’s gone now. She was pretty stupid as well.”
Horace attempts to Help
Horace has begun devising plans to get Nigel back on track with his move. Barking at him constantly has shown signs of progress and has increased Nigel’s productivity. Especially in utilising his vocal chords. Other attempts have been less successful. Urinating on the curtains and demolishing 2kg of Cathedral Cheddar temporarily caused a rift between them. Despite Horace’s efforts, Nigel remains immovable. Horace has admitted that he has caught Nigel staring longingly at a photo of what Horace believes is a woman.
“I recognise her, I’m sure she used to live here. I seem to remember her leaving in somewhat of a hurry. She’d bring different men back occasionally when Nigel was away. I assumed they were just part-time replacements, like how Nigel occasionally buys me new toys. Though, they rarely paid attention to me. Shocking service if you ask me.”
Each time Nigel stares at the photo, he lets out a small whimper.
“It’s pathetic. We have far more pressing issues at hand.”
Horace attempts to distract him each time he nears the photo. Barking seems to be the usual retort. It is received with a mixed reception.
“Sometimes when I bark, he barks back at me. His face scrunches up and he looks rather menacing, but I think I’m getting through to him. I’m sure it’s just his stupid man-way of showing me affection. I know I’m doing a great job. Just the other day I dragged his guitar outside and left it by the car. The next day it was gone. He must have put it in the car when I wasn’t looking. Maybe he’s playing dumb and has actually moved everything out whilst I’ve been asleep?”
Nigel’s Last Chance
After a further week, Horace replays the horrifying moment where Nigel received some paper through the flappy door box.
“It was just another white chewy leaf, the ones Nigel reads occasionally. Though, he appeared incredibly more distressed at this particular chewy leaf. He picked up the phone and started yelling, repeating the word ‘eviction.’ After a brief barking game – that we clearly both enjoyed – he threw the phone at the wall and began to launch boxes into the van outside. It was a miracle! This chewy white leaf had woken Nigel from his immovable slumber.
Horace’s eager anticipation of moving was somewhat spoilt by Nigel’s erratic driving. Horace compared Nigel’s technique to a blindfolded chimp driving a bus with no arms. The radio was also far too loud. Horace sat dissatisfied, awaiting the move to the new house.
After the Move
“…. Me? I’m fine, I’m okay with it. I mean, I’m lost inside but that’s fine I guess. It took me three days to find my bowl. It used to be by the porch. I found it in the kitchen, next to the bin. I couldn’t believe it. I was appalled.”
Boxes still litter the new establishment, much to Horace’s dismay. The only items Nigel has unpacked are the chairs, a garden table (that is now indoors) and the TV. The process was stressful for Horace, who brands Nigel’s attitude as ‘disgraceful’ and ‘utterly pathetic’ adding that he ‘hates his stupid, miserable face.’ In regards to the new living quarters, Horace hasn’t taken well to them either.
“Where is the garden? I’m sure this is just temporary. I mean, maybe this tiny apartment is just for me? Yes, yes that has to be it. We can’t both live here. That would be insane.”
Horace informs us the move would have been far easier if Nigel had employed a removals company.
“Surely it goes without saying. He’s an idiot for not even considering it. No wonder the woman left him.”
Nigel’s Fortunes begin to Change
After a week of moaning and refusing to answer the phone, Nigel’s friends came by to throw a surprise house-warming party. Despite their good intentions, Horace was initially alarmed by their intrusion.
“It was relentless. The party-humans piled into the flat like rats to a sweet shop, but all the sweet jars were open, and the rats had organised a party. It was manic.”
Horace does admit that Nigel seems happier. This is mainly down to his friend Luke visiting him more often and helping him unpack. Nigel has even taken up yoga. The tantric music and plants seem to place him in a realm of tranquillity, which delights Horace.
“This works perfectly for me. He’s calm, which means I’m calm. He even takes me to the park whilst he does his weird stretches. I just aimlessly chase a ball and aggravate much larger dogs. It’s brilliant.”
Things are Looking up for Nigel and Horace
Despite the early anxieties, things are looking up for Horace and Nigel. Horace has dragged certain boxes into a corner, attempting to build a den of sorts.
“The initial anxieties forced me to become more independent. I like this new me, plus Nigel doesn’t seem to mind either. There are times where he has arrived home late and fallen asleep inside my den. I don’t mind, if anything it shows he admires my craftsmanship.”
“I guess he seems happier after the move. Luke looks like a nice guy as well. He keeps raving about this new ‘3D TV.’ It looks the same to me. The colour seems the same as well.”